I got a FedEx package yesterday and I want to read the letter that came with it. First of all, it came by FedEx, so that was pretty attention getting in itself. It had a $20 bill attached to it. Pretty attention getting, too. I'm going to take a look at this. It begins:
Dear Joe Vitale:
I have an offer that I would like to share with only you, that will make you a stack of those $20 bills in one to two weeks. Before I go on, let me explain why I am sending this to you.
Then he goes on to say, "My name is," and I won't say his name.
Then he says, "I am in a jam and need to make $10,000 before the end of the month. There are three reasons why I need this: one, to keep a promise to a close friend. I told a close friend that I would have a motorcycle before he gets back from his deployment in the desert."
He goes on to explain that, "Two: I made some bad decisions with money a while back and I'm currently very tight with money. In other words, broke," is what he says.
"Three: I'm on vacation from the 13th of this month until the 29th and I would like to be able to do something over that time period. I would at least like to be able to visit my grandparents in Fort Worth and have enough money to en-
He tells me where he lives. He then goes on to say he wants to create a joint venture with me.
On the second page he describes himself as being a marketing specialist and that he wants me to send out a mailing to my list, looking for people who want his services. He says, "I will charge a retainer fee up front, anywhere from $5,000 to $25,000, depending on how much of a profit I think I could make for their business.
"That is with anywhere from 5 to 50% of the profits generated. The retainer will be paid off on the back-end profits." Then he goes on to say, "I will give you 50% of all the profits." He gets down here and asks me to call him and so forth, and gives me his name and number. One of his PS.s says this:
"If you are wondering why there is a $20 bill attached to this letter, it is because I hope to be sending you a large stack of them in the next several weeks."
I then looked at the 10 people in the room and asked: "Is this a hypnotic letter?"
What do you think?
Was the letter hypnotic?
To me, this is not a hypnotic letter.
In fact, it is a terrible letter. I sent his $20 back, because he said he's broke. The only reason I did not burn this is because I need his address, which is on the back of the second letter, so I can send it back.
Why isn't it a hypnotic letter?
My observation is, first of all, he got my attention, which is one of the key ingredients for writing good copy. He FedExd it to me; very important. Twenty dollars: very eye-catching.
It begins well: "I have an offer that I would like to share with you that will make you a stack of those $20 bills in one to two weeks." That's good; he's speaking to me.
However, from there it is all about him. The first statement was something to the effect that he wants to buy a motorcycle. I do not care if he needs a motorcycle. He wants to buy it because he made a promise to a friend. I do not care that he made a promise to a friend.
The second one is that he has made bad decisions about money. He is broke. I do not care about that. I would care, probably, if he told me in different terms, but a lot of people are broke. He's telling me that he is broke and he wants to do something that is off-the-wall.
Third is that he is on vacation. I do not care if he is on vacation. He wants to make use of his vacation time and make some money. Then he is asking me to do a mailing to his list, and he is claiming he is a marketing specialist. Where is the proof that he is a marketing specialist? So, this is full of doubts.
I am just thinking that this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Then he wants to charge people on my list $5,000 to $25,000 to do marketing, which is what I do! Why would I send my people to him and then let him get half of the money that all should go to me?
None of this makes sense. Of course, there is his P.S.: "If you're wondering why there is a $20 bill attached," he wants to help me make more. That is pretty good. However, it's powerless at that point, because he lost me with all of this self-serving stuff.
Obviously, a letter written with Hypnotic Writing would be focused on me, not him. By the same token, this is a clue for you to remember: Hypnotic Writing occurs when you get out of your ego and into the reader's ego.
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