Exercise Maintain Parallel Construction

Read the drafts, looking for inconsistencies within sentences and within sections. If you find any, revise the writing so that there is consistency throughout.

Did you notice any inconsistencies in the two drafts? Brad did. He explained, "I used the word or too much in one sentence. Also, using or was inconsistent because previously I'd used commas. Once I rewrote that sentence, I realized that I should use the word and, not or, in any case. I also decided that I needed to add the word potential." Here's the original sentence:

Diversification allows us to reduce our vulnerability to weather or labor unrest or zoning or taxation issues in Florida.

Here's Brad's revision:

Diversification allows us to reduce our vulnerability to potential weather, labor unrest, zoning, and taxation issues in Florida.

What do you think? Don't you agree that it's better?

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