Hi Team

Great news—but an urgent client request awaits our attention. According to Max and Jonathan, the ABC Company has accepted our proposal pending clarification of a few issues. Let's go over the specifics at 9 a.m. tomorrow. We want to be sure to address their concerns pronto! Confirm with Cathy that you'll be there.

Them 3

Empathy Index 1

What about the time-sensitive vocabulary? Did you notice some of Jan's excellent word choices? How about "pronto"? It's an unusual, attention-getting word. But it's not specific. It's a fancy way of saying "as soon as possible." It's vague. Specifying the meeting's starting time is good, but how about adding a deadline for letting Cathy know if they'll be attending?

With these ideas in mind, what do you think of Jan's final version? Hi Team:

Great news! We've just learned that the ABC Company has accepted our proposal. According to Max and Jonathan the company requires clarification of a few issues. We want to be sure to address their concerns pronto! I expect us to Email them the answers by the end of business tomorrow. Let's go over the specifics at 9 a.m. tomorrow. Confirm with Cathy by 5 p.m. today that you'll be there.

Jan added several time-sensitive words and phrases, including specifying when the customer response is due and when the team members need to let Cathy know if they'll be attending the morning meeting. The Empathy Index is lower but still positive:

Them 3

Empathy Index 1

As with all writing, there are multiple options here. Jan's original E-mail was good; most people agree that her revision is better, and final version better still. Remember, don't ever feel as if you're on a hunt for the one "right" way of saying something.

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