Process for Cutting Down to Essential Messages

1 Go through the steps in Checklist 6-1, Process for Selecting Web Content.

2 If you are writing questions and answers, consider whether you have written the shortest, clearest questions and the shortest, clearest answers. If you are writing in another style, consider how well your essential messages stand out on the web page.

3 Focus on the facts. Cut the flab.

4 Focus on your site visitors and what they want to know. Cut out words that talk about you or the organization - unless your site visitors want or need that information.

5 Put your new draft away for a day or two. Then, take it out and see if you can cut some more without losing your essential messages.

6 Read it out loud. Ask a colleague to read it out loud. Ask a few representative people from your audiences to read it out loud. Listen carefully and revise based on what you hear.

Consider Figure 6-1, the web page about a new PlayStation 2 model. Does the typical potential buyer of this gaming device want to read these paragraphs of text?

PlayStation

Htghii grits g PlayStation? About Offline torn mfl

PlayStation ! Games

Accessories

PlayStation'? Support

The information is in two ffi paragraphs of text.

Do people really care about ^ J the 40 percent statistic with a footnote?

P$r SYSTEM PLflYSTATION'? PLAYSTATIONS GAMES t MEDfA

icws -prcmonc« -sime ■ swjw -cohtui • iou cuter

PlayStation" 2

PlayStation.B

Smaller, Slimmer and Network Ready PlayStation 2 Description Features and Specification« Product Manual

HOME NETWORKING WIZARD

How do*x fl work? Ditcovcr th« »Tftwtfi to your qutifcom *nd r,«! h*ip with in;»âû*hon md troubleshooting.

Heme Networking Wuird »

Heme Networking Wuird »

fî«gitt»f «H your PtiySUBOTf* hardwire and 5CEA gVnts in Co* p4««. To s*»rçh for SCEA pubfahtd gam«, dkk hin.

While inheriting the basic functions and design philosophy of the current PlayStation 2 (SCPH-50000), the internal design architecture of the new ■ redesigned PiayStaticn®2 computer entertainment system (SCPH-70000 CB) model has been completely overhauled, resutang in a sknmer and more lightweight form. Internal volume has been reduced by 75 percent, overall weight has been halved, and thickness trimmed down to 2-8 cm (thickness of current model is 7.6cm). Its sire is almost as smal as a hardcover book, making A easier to carry around.

1 Equipped with an rtegrated Ethernet port for network gaming, the new PlayStation 2 sets new standards in the fusion of design and functionality. Approximately 40per£eefc<* 1) of North American PlayStation 2 online gamers use daNjuawe&Snsand to satisfy this base, the North American model is equipped w*th both Ethernet and modem ports,

* 1) According to SCEfs DMAS (Dynamic Network Authentication System) data.

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Uiian Ch-aos": RkX R«pooi*™ And l©StiwtbJI Pirat« of rhe Cwbt»»! The L*9*rid of Sparrow Sin»«t Figfar Alpha Aflihoioqy NFl H*ad Coach

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Figure 6-1 This page, labeled "Description," seems to be trying to get people excited about buying the product. Yet it gives people two long paragraphs to read. www.us.playstation.com

If we let go of many of the words in the description in Figure 6-1, we might end up with Figure 6-2. Doesn't this make the essential messages stand out more?

PlayStation,

PLAYSTATIONS

PLAYSTATIONS

GAMES & MEDIA |

* FD«UttS UWi ' PtBMOTtDtS

S to« WfPfllt - C0RT1CI

1 MLOIA Clltll I F Uon^Mitm^

About Online Gaming

PlayStation" 2 PlayStation,2 |

Smaller, Slimmer and Network Ready PlayStation 2

Description Features and Spécifications Product Manual

Smaller, Slimmer and Network Ready PlayStation 2

Description Features and Spécifications Product Manual

/^S Bulleted lists use fewer f ^J words and highlight essential messages

/^S The important point is not f ^J how many people are still using dial-up Internet service, but that you can use dial-up service with the new system.

PlayStation€>2 computer entertainment system (SCPH-70000 CB)

We've completely redesigned the PlayStation 2.

— * Lighter - half the weight of the PlayStation 2 model 5000

We've kepi al the functionality you love and we've added more

* Now ready for network gaming - with an integrated Ethernet port

If you toe in North America your PlayStation 2 comes with both Ethernet and modem ports, so you can use it wth either a broadband or dial up connection

KO ME HrrwonxiNE

WIZARD

mo DU CT REGISTRATION

R*gistlr al your PlayStation» hiidwir* trid SCEA garr*; in ont pi*«. To*«*rch fw SCEA published 9am«, ckfe hw,

And l^Stmtbal

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Prat« of rht Canbb«wi! Ttve of J*k St>vn>w SirMt Fighter Alpha Awheio^y tFLMtad Coach

Figure 6-2 My suggested revision gives the same essential messages in many fewer words.

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