If you are telling people something about themselves or something that applies to them, talk to them. Use "you." That makes the information inviting and personal.
You can convey serious and important messages - even legal rules and notices - using "you." In fact, people are much more likely to take in those messages if you write with "you" because they can see themselves in the text.
Compare Figures 8-1 and 8-2. Which version of the information about Australians sending food to the U. S. is easier to read? Which would you rather read? Which would you pay more attention to?
The new ruling requires the person sending the food to electronically file a "prior notice" with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. A confirmation of the PDA receipt of "prior notice" must be presented to Australia Post along with the parcel. The "prior notice" form is available at: http: //www, ^c.c.essi. fda.gov
This talks about the new ^ j ruling even though it is really instructions for what "the person" must do.
Figure 8-1 The original text of one paragraph from the middle of new requirements for mailing food from Australia to the U. S. www.auspost.com.au
What must I do?
You must fill out a "prior notice" form with the U.S. Food and Dtug Administration (FOA) about the food you are sending lo the U.S You must do this online at http://www.access.fda gov
FDA will confirm that it has received your prior notice form.
You must take the confirmation lo Australia Post when you go lo mail your parcel
Figure 8-2 My draft version.
Writing that has no personal pronouns often has other problems as well. I analyze and rewrite the entire
Just in this one paragraph, we also find passive voice, nouns that hide notice as Case Staty 8-4 at tte verbs, and a step that is implied but not clearly stated. The notice that end of this chapter this bit came from also has information in the wrong order, outdated information, and other problems. As you write and revise web content, think about all the guidelines together.
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